In my last post, I explained that there have been some big changes for me recently. While some may think they aren’t so big they are to me. I needed a few days to get the hang of everything and with that, I missed a couple of posts. I am so sorry for that, but don’t worry I have learned that I need to take a day or two out of the week to bulk up on a few posts so I won’t fall behind. Well, I’m sure you’re here to read about the changes so let’s just get right into it shall we?
A couple of weeks ago I wrote a post about my anxiety and how I knew it was to the point that I needed professional help. I’ve been talking with a therapist and I went to my primary care doctor and between the therapist, doctor, and my husband who is a pharmacist they all agreed on an antidepressant and anxiety medications for me to try. Now if you have never been put on anxiety meds or haven’t seen anyone go through the processes then you may not know that it can be a very trying thing. I was very adamant that I did NOT want any type of medicines that are controlled substances and/or addicting. So we tried two different medications. I have done great on the antidepressant but the anxiety medication I was supposed to take at night was a very bad experience.
The first time I took the medicine I did fine. I went to bed with ease and honestly I was so overly exhausted from the day at the doctor and opening up to her that I fell right to sleep with no problems. The next night, however, is when I started to have bad complications with the medicine. about an hour after taking it I started to hallucinate and I could tell what I was seeing wasn’t real but I couldn’t keep from seeing them, and this caused a severe panic attack. The medicine I was on works wonders for most, and even friends of mine take it and have never had a problem with it. Haulistations hadn’t been reported so of course, I would be the only one it would happen to right?
We tried to change the dosing and nothing worked. I became so sleep deprived that my anxiety was worse and I would be terrified to even think about taking it. We quickly learned that the medicine was not going to work for me, and Chris took me off of it completely. We added another medication instead and I’ve been on it for three or four weeks along with the original antidepressant and Y’all I cannot begin to explain the difference.
I feel like myself again, and I haven’t felt this good in roughly two years. I’m happy, content, motivated, and just overall the Ashley I used to be. I cannot believe I went so long without reaching out for help, and I beg you if you like past me and you’re not reaching for the help you need please learn from me and don’t wait. I could have been happier years ago, but I was too ashamed. When I went to the Doctor I was so embarrassed but she explained that it’s more common than I believed and that there was nothing to be ashamed of. Now that I am feeling better I’m more motivated to get out and find joy in things I use to and that leads me to my next change.
I was a co-creator of a boutique in our hometown and I know I’ve talked about that before on here, but my work ethic had gone downhill quickly. When we first opened up my dad passed away two months before our grand opening. I tried so hard the first few months to give the boutique my all, but my anxiety and depression started creeping in, and I was never able to give the boutique what it needed. I would drive an hour to the boutique and an hour back home when it first opened, and when we moved back to our hometown I thought okay I finally live about ten minutes away and the excuse of travel is gone so I should be able to really put my heart into this project. But you guessed it I was already knee deep in my mental health and I didn’t do much at all. About a month ago I had a meeting with the primary owner of the boutique and we’ve been working hard to give the boutique what it deserves. I am working a couple of days a week and slowly getting back into the groove of things. I didn’t realize how much I missed it and the passion I have for it.
Ive always found another passion! If you follow me on Instagram then you know that I have been taking Zumba classes for a little bit now, and Y’all it has done so much for me! With my cysts, there are a lot of restrictions with working out, and I felt like there wasn’t much I could do. I’m also the person that will do good for a few weeks, but if working out isn’t fun I’ll just stop. One day I found out about a small gym here that does small classes, and I was so intrigued but I kept putting it off because none of my friends would go. I finally got tired of letting that excuse get in the way, and so I jumped in my car and just went. I was a nervous wreck, but the women and the teacher were so encouraging. I was awful the first couple of classes, but I was having so much fun I didn’t care! I have finally found something that helps me be healthy and I have fun while doing it. I’ve also started getting into yoga and I have been loving that! I haven’t found any classes around here, but I have found a couple of yoga Youtube channels that I am loving.
I know my medicines have made a huge change, but I also believe that having a work schedule as well as a workout schedule has helped my mood and health just as much. It’s made for a super busy schedule but a productive and fruitful one as well. This new schedule has made me become more intentional with my time and I’m thankful for that. I don’t want to become so busy I can’t stop and smell the roses but some productivity encourages me to actually enjoy the small things more! They make those quite slow mornings more special. Time with Chris and family is more intentional and I don’t waste the time by playing on my phone and social media. I am so happy with this season, and I am beyond thankful that God is blessing me so much. I know it is all because of Him.
He gave me the encouragement to speak up about my mental health, He placed Chris at that gym to hear about the Zumba classes, and put it in his mind to bring it up to me. God put a passion for business in my heart a long time ago, and He has brought that back to life in small but prominent doses. I use to be a dancer a LONG time ago, and I tore my rotator cuff in high school which lead to me not being able to dance any longer. I never thought I would be able to find that passion again, but He brought it back in a fun and silly way with Zumba.
I can’t help but laugh at that last one. His love is so sweet and tender, and at I love how God shows his sense of humor. He has brought relationships back to life because I have to choose to be more intentional with the time I share with loved ones. I also believe that He is showing me how to be more organized on the blog as well and yet again more intentional with the content I put on here.
The most ironic is He is teaching me how to be still in His presence by putting more on my plate. He’s showing me that my time with Him may not be hours long most mornings, but He is spoon feeding me His word. He is showing me that different seasons bring different lessons and this one is intentions. I have to be intentional with my time and carve that time out for the people I love and the one that loves me most.
I know this post was extra long, but there was so much to catch you up on! What type of season are you in right now? What is God teaching you at this moment in life? I would love to hear from you and discuss the lessons we are learning. I hope you are having a wonderful Monday and I can’t wait to hear from you!